Welcome to "Motherhood Unwrapped," a captivating blog interview series where we dive deep into the lives of influential moms, sharing their journeys, challenges, and triumphs in motherhood. Each month, we feature an inspiring mom influencer, uncovering motherhood's raw, honest, and rewarding aspects. We aim to offer our audience a blend of personal stories, expert advice, and heartfelt moments that resonate deeply.
Today, our guest is Ali Kochtanek, the creative mind behind Survive and Thrive Mama. Ali is an influencer, a Postpartum Doula, and a Baby Sleep Specialist. Ali's candid reflections on motherhood have resonated with many, and we're excited to share her insights with you.
Can you share a moment or experience that significantly changed your perspective on motherhood?
One moment that significantly changed my perspective on motherhood was during the early days with my first baby. I vividly remember sitting in the nursery, holding her after she fell asleep, and feeling frustrated. I would think of everything I could do—cleaning the house, showering, or simply having some "me" time. The moment I tried to put her down, she would wake up and need to be held again. I felt trapped and resentful that my freedom to "do" was gone.
But as time passed, I understood that these quiet, intimate moments were fleeting. I realized that even if I managed to clean the entire house, shower, and get dressed, it would all be undone by the next day. The mess would return, and I would find spit-up in my hair and clothes within hours. Parenthood is a never-ending cycle, and I needed to adapt my expectations.
With my second and third children, I reminded myself that nothing was more important than being present in those moments. The bottles would get cleaned, and the floors would get swept, but the time spent holding my baby was irreplaceable. I learned to embrace the present and find peace in just being there.
This shift in perspective has stayed with me as my children have grown. Even though they no longer sleep in my arms for hours, I try to cherish each moment and remain present. Motherhood taught me that it's okay to let go of the need to be constantly productive and enjoy the journey.
How do you balance the demands of parenthood with your role as an influencer?
Balancing the demands of parenthood with my role as an influencer is not always easy, but my children and family always come first. Social media is a powerful tool for connecting with those who need support, but it can also consume time, energy, and mental clarity.
I've started setting strict time restrictions on my social media usage to manage this balance. It's important to me to reply personally to anyone who needs my help. Still, I prioritize my family by avoiding social media during the three most precious times of the day with my kids: first thing in the morning, right when they come home from school, and right before bed. By setting these boundaries, I ensure that my children receive my full attention during critical parts of the day, allowing me to be a present parent and maintain an online presence.
What's one piece of advice you wish you had received before becoming a mother?
One piece of advice I wish I had received before becoming a mother is that it's okay not to enjoy every moment. The advice to "enjoy every moment" is well-meaning but unrealistic. The truth is that parenting is full of challenges and mundane routines that can be tough. It's easy to look back and miss the sweet, fleeting moments, but that doesn’t mean every moment is enjoyable or should be.
I wish someone had told me to embrace the reality that not every day will be filled with joy. There will be messes, unpredictability, and moments of frustration. But through it all, your children will teach you more about yourself than you ever imagined. No one is perfect, and no one has perfect kids. Accepting this makes the journey more genuine and less pressured. So, instead of enjoying every moment, focus on being present and open to all the experiences, good and bad.
In what ways has your journey as a mom influenced the content you create and share?
Becoming a Postpartum Doula and Sleep Specialist and consequently posting online about it was a direct result of my experiences with my children and the challenges of motherhood. I lived through the highs and lows and learned the hard way, just like we all do, that new motherhood is something no one can fully prepare you for.
The support we receive throughout our lives changes drastically when we have a baby. We face a barrage of opinions, advice, and information overload overnight. When creating content, I aim to help others feel less alone. If I can help one person feel better about their parenting style or choices, I've done my job for the day.
Parenting isn't black and white; it's full of shades of grey. There are countless ways to be a good parent, and no one is better or worse for their choices. We're all just doing the best we can. My content aims to reflect that reality and offer support, understanding, and validation to all parents navigating this journey.
Can you share a favorite parenting hack or tool that has made your life easier?
A favorite parenting hack that has made my life easier is finding and nurturing mom friends. Meeting new mom friends with whom you vibe is challenging but possible. Go to a music class, visit the park, and talk with other parents and kids around the same age as yours. Feel free to ask for their number and text them! Sometimes it won't work out, but sometimes it will—it's worth putting yourself out there for it.
Friendship, commiseration, and swapping notes with other moms are invaluable. These women become your tribe, the ones who will support you through this phase of life. Even if it's your kids who initially bring you together and all you talk about is parenting, it's far better than going through it alone! I 100% recommend it!
Join us on this journey as we unravel the beautiful tapestry of motherhood, one story at a time. We will feature inspiring mom influencers sharing their journeys, challenges, and triumphs each month. Stay tuned for more heartfelt moments and expert advice in our "Motherhood Unwrapped" series.